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Author: Sune

Mr. Corsair's Pacific Quest (OOC)

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LTJG

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Post time: 2015-12-31 19:21:49
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I'm on both sites, and I think there would be a fair few who would like this. How many stay though, that's another question. One that can only be answered in time.

Also, I've been liking this well enough so far myself.

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Post time: 2015-12-31 20:58:05
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I've been enjoying it even if I don't participate much but that's due really to time and maybe because I access the site on mobile (making things way harder)

I'm no writer yet (taking creative writing as a major) and I definitely am no critic but I really did enjoy how the story is going as a reader.

As a fanfic writer though....well lets say I'm taking this as a challenge to make my stories better [I never really was good at writing, I just have a knack and a love for it x)]

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Post time: 2016-1-5 04:54:18
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As far as mentioning the quest on other forums I certainly don't mind.

For now a troubling confession. I haven't been able to read the action reports and many of the profiles because I can't read Chinese. I've had to invent some technical details about how some things work. With the exception of the fleetgirl tenders I want to keep this as close to the original material as possible. If it's wrong I'm more than happy to go back and retcon things.  

Also a warning about Chicago. I haven't had much chance to see anything about her personality, but if it differs from how she is normally there are in-universe reasons for her being out of character.

Also this segment's choices in review.


[ ] Granted. Give me a full sweep of the area before we send out the repair team.

[ ] Denied. I need my heavy hitter on stand by. If you're worried we'll have Langley send out scout planes.

[ ] Denied. Get some chow and rack time. I need my heavy hitter at 100 percent. I'll send out someone else to scout. (specify who)

[ ] Other. (Write in)

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Post time: 2016-1-5 07:09:21
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Edited by Adjutant27 at 2016-1-6 01:30

Yikes, that isn't good. I'm not sure how we have shifts set up but I'd think it'd at least be something workable. It makes sense to have her get some down time. The problems with the station probably aren't Abyssal related, MERLIN, which I assume isn't wholly dependent on this single station, hasn't alerted us to anything suspicious and the stations behavior isn't anything out of the ordinary for a dying machine.

I do find it bit odd that Avalon waited until the station had been offline for a whole week before sending someone to check up on it. As a key element in an early warning system meant to protect against an existential threat to mankind, you'd think it would be top priority to give it a checkup at the first sign of problems.

Write in:

[ ] "Denied. Get some chow and rack time. You're exhausted and I need my heavy hitter at 100% if we run into any trouble out here. Listen, it's important that everyone gets enough rest, if you think you're not getting enough you can talk to me or your fleetmates, we can work out new shifts if it isn't working out right now. You don't have to shoulder too much on yourself, try to save some of that energy for the Abyssals" - Or something to that effect, I'm really not good with dialogue.

We'll ask Langley to launch some scout planes to have a look. Put Mahan, Marblehead and Dolphin in the water as well but keep them close to Osage for now. This might be a perfectly mundane breakdown but there is still a small chance that the Abyssals are involved. The fact that we have no idea what's happening on that island is a cause for caution and while the lack of seagulls doesn't tell us much it is still kind of ominous. It makes sense to keep our forces on alert so we don't get caught flatfooted if something happens.

Edit: Besides, Mahan needs to be out there to help with repairs anyways and the rest might be able to assist as well.

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Post time: 2016-1-5 08:20:24
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The action reports that I have written are intentionally vague to "mimic" press releases from the US government. The "feel" of the book is as if you are reading bulletin releases from STEC itself. So that's not really your fault.

I think the easiest way to address any perceived gaps of knowledge is to ask me directly. Though once again I reiterate that I have no problems with people taking creativity or personal liberties.

Now, let me share a bit on Chicago.

Chicago's accent is, well, "Chicagoan." While I make it a personal rule to avoid phonetic spellings or accents, I actively picture how they'd sound in my head. For her, think South-side Chicago. A real growl to her ous (raw-te rather than say, route), illynnoi, not Illinois, short, tense "A" sounds (her "cat" sounds probably like keeat if we are to write her out in an exaggerated fashion), calls soda pop, etc.

Rather than giving you a lecture on linguistics, here are a few notes that are likely to shape her interaction with the player character. I am happy to provide more details on request, but you should feel free to develop out her personality as you see fit based on your purposes for your story.
It helps everyone if you ask questions that are specific. "Is she nice" is not particularly helpful. "Would she save an old lady or a small child from a burning house first" is a better one.

- On the surface she seems fairly "by the books." Unlike the actual by-the-books characters (Pacific!Takao or Ashikaga is a great contrast), this is someone who isn't bothered by the concept of taking discipline or law into her own hands.
- There's no mincing of words or opinion in this one. She's not going to cushion any of her words, but UNLIKE some of the other girls, this one's by choice. You can even call her abrasive if you want.
- Thick skinned, stubbornly loyal, faint hint of Italian-American lexicon that made its way into, well, mainstream Chicagoan English. Does this remind of you anything from any, say, modern American "mythological" traditions? Don't write her like a mobster, but she's got one actual fairy crewmember who looks exactly as one would think a Mafia man would look like (this is yet another fun story based on history that was cut from the final product.)
- Don't expect her to brood or simmer like some of the more emotionally fragile girls. Chicago doesn't care.

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Post time: 2016-1-6 19:19:17
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Input:

[X] "Denied. Get some chow and rack time. You're exhausted and I need my heavy hitter at 100% if we run into any trouble out here. Listen, it's important that everyone gets enough rest, if you think you're not getting enough you can talk to me or your fleetmates, we can work out new shifts if it isn't working out right now. You don't have to shoulder too much on yourself, try to save some of that energy for the Abyssals."

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Post time: 2016-1-7 08:21:59
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Morgane, you diabolical person. Do you realize how hard it will be not to write Chicago as one of the SNL superfans? (Okay. Abyssals versus Ditka. Who wins?)

Also, choices for the next segment.

A) That's right, Diaz. You're a braver man than I. Get to it.
B) Cut him some slack. Wake up Dolphin yourself.
C) You know what? We can proceed without her for new.
D) We can wait for Dolphin to get up and get ready on her own.
E) Other (Write-in)

I tried to make it easier for people using mobile devices. Now if you like the option you can just type out the letter instead of the whole thing.

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Post time: 2016-1-7 09:26:18
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MrCorsair 2016-1-7 08:21
Morgane, you diabolical person. Do you realize how hard it will be not to write Chicago as one of th ...

E) Other

That's right, Diaz. You're a brave man anyway. But if anything comes up I'll be right behind, she'll listen...hopefully.

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Post time: 2016-1-8 06:37:25
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Edited by Adjutant27 at 2016-1-8 08:45

Oh boy, this'll be interesting. I don't think we should back off on that order. We're not sure there even is a threat but I'd rather have the extra set of eyes and those torpedoes out there just in case. Especially considering that our most powerful surface combatant will be unavailable for a short time. That being said, as much as a part of me wants to engage in some harmless sadistic cruelty at Diaz's expense, I think it might be best if we do it ourselves. She'll probably want to ask us why we woke her up anyways and it's best to be direct about that.

B) Cut him some slack. Wake up Dolphin yourself.

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Post time: 2016-1-8 16:16:25
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Input:

[X] B) Cut him some slack. Wake up Dolphin yourself.

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Post time: 2016-1-9 07:54:43
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I am adhering to my strict non-interventionist role in these parts. That being said, I have one hint or suggestion to Mr. Corsair pertaining to the status of Dolphin in this particular creation.

Specifically, the team has different viewpoints on Dolphin's own capabilities in actual combat. Most don't have any opinion, but here are those interpretations that we are aware of.
1. A very small minority (1) interprets her as the "washed-out" NCO relegated to backline duties as the particular military tradition they're aware of works exactly like that.
2. Technical-minded team members (2) interpret Dolphin as a character limited by her innate equipment weaknesses. Ship girl weapons are powerful, but not all ship girl equipment are made equal. There are elements in the team that still consider ship girls to be more weapons of war than, well, "superheroes," and prefer to place hard limitations on what a character can and cannot do.
3. As for myself and K9 and Sima, we see her as a character with a very purposeful characterization. Having grown up on war-films, G.I. Joe, and video games where the heroic "Sarge" type characters are almost ubiquitous, you'll find that our take on Dolphin is exactly that. Our focus is on her larger-than-life character and her ability to overcome challenges using her skills and experiences. There may be a few tall-tales here or there, but that's as much an affectionate reminder of America's own military traditions than anything else.

Dolphin in Pacific proper - both as printed and in tales to come - is a composite character, but I'm going to suggest that as you craft character responses and reactions, you stick to one "vision" or "theme" for a character and work from there. For beginning writers such as ourselves, this is actually the best way to build a good story (and get better at telling it). Weaker writers frequently mistake character confusion for "complexity," which results in a sea of everyone-more-or-less sounding and acting the same.

Actually, you know, now that I read what I wrote, I sound super pretentious. Sorry. Dx Let's just say I take each individual writing piece as an opportunity for reflection (or self-reflection), and I can't not-run my mouth.

Or to put it another way, the best way to see if I've been kidnapped is to ask me some kind of mildly ambiguous or value-based question. If you don't get a drawn out answer that could ultimately be boiled down to single words the East Asians definitely seized this website.

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Post time: 2016-1-9 09:02:16
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Edited by MrCorsair at 2016-1-9 09:40

Thanks for the info Morgane, the character bits really do help.

Options for the next segment!


A) She's having a bad dream. Tiptoe into the lion's den and wake her gently.
B) Use her military demeanor against her. Be firm, direct and commanding! And shouting. Lots of that.  
C) Enlist the fairies. Yeah, they might ask for your firstborn but right now you're willing to risk it.
D) Backtrack all the way to the mess and grab some coffee as an offering. Maybe she won't tear your head off.
E) Other (Write-in)

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Post time: 2016-1-10 03:26:46
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Edited by Neo at 2016-1-10 03:40

Hm...pretty interesting. :p I want to pitch in the effort. With a bit of humor. XD (Oops, I mean fleetgirl not shipgirl, lol. Edited.)

E) Other

With my head still facing the ceiling and the pillow falling on the floor in front of my, I placed a hand over my face.

Remembering Diaz's drained face and Chicago's playful expression and remarks before I left to wake Dolphin, I broke out a few awkward laughs. "Huhuh...huhuh..." But thinking about it for a few more times, I've started to become annoyed. Isn't she suppose to be a submarine? And how about all those training for long term missions? And what's with her attitude? Did no one ever tried to discipline her?

Straightening myself up, I nonchalantly stared at the pillow that was lying on the floor. Picking it up, I looked back at the sleeping fleetgirl. Even if I faced the consequences of this "beast in lying" for disturbing her so-called beauty sleep, I don't care. What's with that language? I couldn't help but feel irked at her overall lack of composure off duty. Compounded with the fact that she did threw a pillow at my face, I also don't care if she's sleeping. Just what the hell is she even dreaming about?! Snapping, I threw the pillow back at her face. "Wake up! You lazy ass sub!"

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Post time: 2016-1-10 07:05:10
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Edited by Nivy at 2016-1-10 08:01
Neo 2016-1-10 03:26
Hm...pretty interesting. :p I want to pitch in the effort. With a bit of humor. XD (Oops, I mean fle ...

O_o' That's one hell of a answer (pretty much did Mr. Corsair's work haha)

Just to shorten what Neo said: Wake up Dolphin and give her a recap on Military Discipline
Edit: I'll.....hold back on my decision making (I'm really not thinking straight atm)

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Post time: 2016-1-10 07:53:57
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Edited by Adjutant27 at 2016-1-10 08:00

Uhhh. Are you sure that's a good idea? I'm fairly certain she's not actually doing anything wrong. Based off our own scheduling she is still suppose to be asleep for the next 30 minutes and we're the ones messing with that. I think it might be better if we just wake her up, explain the situation and then see how she responds; we can reserve any "discipline" for then. That being said, I see no reason to be quiet about it.

B) Use her military demeanor against her. Be firm, direct and commanding! And shouting. Lots of that.  

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Post time: 2016-1-10 14:53:59
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Adjutant27 2016-1-10 07:53
Uhhh. Are you sure that's a good idea? I'm fairly certain she's not actually doing anything wrong. B ...

Well even if it's 30 minutes early,  a soldier should be readied up for on call duties 24-7 for emergency callings in cases like these. XD

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Post time: 2016-1-10 17:14:49
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Morgane, your description of Chicago makes her sound like Judge Dredd; am I on the right track, or is this just me?

As for the vote, I'm leaning A, since there is literally no way she could know that we want her for a mission, what with being a sleep and all. Thus:

A) She's having a bad dream. Tiptoe into the lion's den and wake her gently.

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Post time: 2016-1-11 15:13:17
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Input: (Because the best character development comes from some conflict.)

E) Other

With my head still facing the ceiling and the pillow falling on the floor in front of my, I placed a hand over my face.

Remembering Diaz's drained face and Chicago's playful expression and remarks before I left to wake Dolphin, I broke out a few awkward laughs. "Huhuh...huhuh..." But thinking about it for a few more times, I've started to become annoyed. Isn't she suppose to be a submarine? And how about all those training for long term missions? And what's with her attitude? Did no one ever tried to discipline her?

Straightening myself up, I nonchalantly stared at the pillow that was lying on the floor. Picking it up, I looked back at the sleeping fleetgirl. Even if I faced the consequences of this "beast in lying" for disturbing her so-called beauty sleep, I don't care. What's with that language? I couldn't help but feel irked at her overall lack of composure off duty. Compounded with the fact that she did threw a pillow at my face, I also don't care if she's sleeping. Just what the hell is she even dreaming about?! Snapping, I threw the pillow back at her face. "Wake up! You lazy ass sub!"

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Post time: 2016-1-11 18:15:53
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Here we go!

C) Enlist the fairies. Yeah, they might ask for your firstborn but right now you're willing to risk it.

Reason: I really REALLY don't want to be near a kick or a punch if some abrupt awakening thing happens

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Post time: 2016-1-12 14:09:12
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New section is up! Sorry I missed the monday deadline, but I hope this makes up for it!



Options:

A) We don't know what's happening yet. Bringing down the hammer on this could be unnecessary or even counterproductive. Besides, you heard Mahan. If we can't handle something this weak on our own we've got bigger problems.

B) Something's definitely not right here.  We need backup from Avalon. (Note, these reinforcements will NOT be under your command.)

C) Other (Write in)
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